I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
