evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
