i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
