there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
