Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hate your face
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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