Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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