he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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