My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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