Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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