I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
