Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
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