if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
