Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
