just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
