she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
