Got a toothbrush?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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