this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
