Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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