Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
did you just send me my own nude
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
