when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
