I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
