You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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