oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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