Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
