Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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