You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize