i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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