I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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