What a fucking waste of an outfit
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
