Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think i have two assholes
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
