Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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