fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
