you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
