Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize