just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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