I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
