I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
