I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
