and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
