It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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