Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
