Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
