brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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