i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
