the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
