She went from zero to smokin in five shots
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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