Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
