Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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