you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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