i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
