I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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