yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
