It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
