just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
