R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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