Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
