Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
