Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
