I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
