before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
