I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
