Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
even my farts smell like vagina
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
