sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
