Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Too much gin, very little bucket
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
