TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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