Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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