yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
